When my babiest bear turned four, my thoughts started to turn towards what I’m going to do when he starts school next year. I don’t want to sit around home watching bad telly, but I also don’t want to work full-time; the last time I worked in New Zealand was almost ten years ago, and I don’t have a job – or a career – to step back into.
I toy with the idea of going back to university, but I’m not sure what I want to study. For a long time I wanted to obtain a Master of Counselling, but I’m not as passionate about that as I once was. I think approaching 40 makes me question whether I’m past that stage in life, but then I think of the number of clever people I know who have gone back to study, and I know that age really isn’t a valid excuse. Maybe I’m scared of failing, of not being able to keep up…but that’s silly, because I’m a bit of a nerd, and an organised one at that!
I play with the idea of finding a 9am-2pm job so I can still take my boys to school and pick them up at the end of their day. A job where I don’t have to think too hard or work extra hours…but I know that I would go insane if I wasn’t challenged in some way.
Something I am seriously thinking about is starting my own business, but that’s going to take a lot more planning and thought. The appeal of that is being able to set my own hours and therefore still be available for my kids. I’m doing some investigating…but am I really the businesswoman type?
I’d love for this blog to be my “job”, but the reality is that I don’t have the audience numbers, I don’t have a “niche”, nothing makes me stand out from any of the other mummy bloggers around. I also think that in order to really make it as a blogger in New Zealand, being based in Auckland is three-quarters of the battle won?? I’m not being self-pitying or looking for plaudits, I’m simply being realistic. And to be honest, I’m not sure that I’d enjoy all the pressure that would come with being paid for something I genuinely love doing.
We’re incredibly fortunate to be in a position where I can stay at home with and for our children right now. I’m very lucky to have a husband who is not pressuring me think about this, but I know he realises that I won’t be content to be a lady of leisure, and will support me in whatever I decide to do – and whenever I decide to do it.