Hmmm, guess who set themselves a pretty tough little challenge this month??
Changing the way I react and express difficult feelings was never going to be an easy task, and trying to work on this when pregnant and hormonal was never going to be the best timing, but hey, that’s just the way this has all worked out.
Thankfully, there haven’t been many instances when I’ve needed to consciously think about it….or maybe, just maybe, I’ve been preempting these situations and not letting myself get worked up in the first place?
At the beginning of the month, there were a couple of hairy moments which saw my eyes prickling with hot tears after particularly rough nights with Tiny – on each instance, I threw* myself back into bed at repeatedly ungodly hours, and when Tall asked if I was okay, I muttered a curt, “No,” and then proceeded to have a quick, quiet, unnoticed cry. The only positive thing is that the tears were over within a minute, and in the morning, I was able to very calmly discuss Tiny’s sleeping “mishaps” with Tall.
I don’t feel like I’ve failed at this challenge as such, more that I haven’t had the opportunity to really focus on it. That’s not a bad thing; I’m pretty sure the next couple of months will provide many chances to work on this!
I completely-and-utterly acknowledge that I am a bottler, and that there will always come a day when it gets to much and I burst into unexplained tears (or “explode” into tears, as my beloved likes to say. “Are you okay? You’ve got your explosion face on…”). The idea that I need to do something about it is always there, but this month has pushed it a little further into the limelight than before.
The technique? To stop (and possibly walk away for a moment), take a breath and think instead of simply bursting into tears.
Will it work when I’m extra-tired, extra-frustrated and extra-busy with a newborn thrown into the mix? Who knows, but I’ve got to keep trying, and I feel as though having thought about it all this month will help keep me on track in the future.