Journey to 35: The First Month

(Image from here)

As we’re off on a little island holiday next month – which will involve loads of time at the beach – I’ve decided to start my Journey to 35 by spending all of August focusing on confidence.

For me, this is as much about physical confidence as it is about mental and emotional confidence. I’ve never been totally happy about the way I look (like most women, I imagine), and I think this has contributed to periods of low self-esteem at various times of my life. In turn, this has given me a somewhat warped view of myself in general, and has led to moments where I’ve been too scared to try new things, or wear new things, or speak up when I really should have.

However, meeting Tall, I’ve never felt happier with the way I am, or with who I am. He loves me for being me, and that’s been the biggest confidence boost I could have asked for. I’m lucky to have married a man who makes me feel beautiful every day, and doesn’t see the flaws I see in myself.

Photo by the lush Sinead Jenkins

Being a mum puts everything into perspective, too. I would go through all the changes pregnancy and motherhood have brought on my body – and my mind – a thousand times for my Tiny. Obsessing over body image, and what other people think just doesn’t seem important anymore, especially when Tiny doesn’t care.

But there are still moments when I wish I didn’t have these hang-ups lurking in the back of my mind, and while I know that the two most important people in my life don’t see what I see, I still have moments of self-consciousness and self-doubt.

This August, I’m going to work on the way I view myself, both physically and mentally. I’m going to:

1. focus on the things I do like about the way I look;
2. be confident that I’m cool just the way I am, and that the friends I have love me for being me, not because I’m trying to be someone else;
3. be less critical of myself and focus on all the positives instead of any negatives (physical and psychological; real or imagined); and
4. try new things, let go of any hang-ups about being embarrassed or not being very good at something new, and just give things a go.

This is going to be a tough way to start my journey, but if I can conquer this one, I’ll be unstoppable for the rest of the year!